not yours

i am not your toy,
thank you,

it all seemed so dramatic to me,
but,
it's sort of real,
like,
i dont know,
just feels like it,

hypocrites,

i never tried using that word before,
because,
you know my english aint that good,
and i dont really know what's the meaning of it,
so..
should go and find out,

todae went swimming,
glad that i can swim,
faster than before,
and i just swam without kicking the water,
so can train my arm muscles + back muscles (:
and i swim till my fingers are like numb or something =.=
triple sighs,

sometimes,
what we see is not what we get,
i dont know what you're thinking,

how fast do we change?
i dont know,

when i see you,
you're like that,
when i dont see you,
you're a totally different person,

just like me?
yes,
just like me,

or is it that,
everyone faces different people differently,
like,
for example,
i treat some guys just like my buddy,
but some just like my senior/merely a friend,
just an example,

the real person within oneself,
how do you even classify that?
how do you even know that which one is the real you?

i am so stressed up,
that's the excuse i can give for this,
but,
dont you find it extremely fascinating?
to sit down and think,
other than playing maple story and become a maple-tard?

i feel hurt,
for i dont know why?

something struck me again,
dont accuse me for anything i dont mean to do,
you dont know what i am thinking,
so,
stop making assumptions,
and stop thinking that you know me very well,
as if you can read me like a book,

the word happiness,
doesnt seem to come to me anymore,
"it's easy to be happy",
someone told me that before,
perhaps,
some people are born to be happy people,
just like that person who told me that,
and his brother,
(:
happy people,

it feels good to be childish sometimes,
it doesnt matter how old we are,
it's alright,
shows that you're cute,
(:

sometimes,
it's just like standing outside the circle,
and watch the people inside,
but you must know that,
there's a bigger circle,
and that there are so many others standing outside the bigger circle,
watching you,

things which arent meant for you,
you cant snatch them,

"what i dont give,
you're not supposed to take,"

things which are supposed to be yours,
then it's yours,
there's no point fighting for it,

just do it,
and then you know you've already done your part,

how did i do it?
just do it,
and then everything will be fine,

is it worth me to get so vexed?
for something,
which aint supposed to be mine?

what's mine and what's yours?
how do we know?
at the end of the story,
perhaps we will be able to get the answer,

i need time to think,

cause,
life's just so complicated,
it's just like a story,
with suspense,
with surprise,
with climax and downfall,
of course,
there're many of the above,

how much i mean to you?
does it even matter so much now?
so what if you matter so much to me,
and when you dont even give a damn,

life's unfair,
(:
that's it,

did i do anything wrong?
and what's your definition of wrong?

i realise i always ask questions in these type of posts,
doesnt give a firm stand of my point of view,
am i just that,
easily influenced?
and just that naive?

people can lie to me,
and i wont even know,
i shouldnt believe in the things i see,
and most importantly the things i hear,
everything might just be lies,
and,
in the end,
they will be the ones laughing,
when i am just crying alone,

life's just so unfair,