@.@

this week kills
i've never slept before 12am every single day and i am serious @.@
and worse still,on thursday night,i was chionging that damn stupid R&W asg with alvin..
until 2 am..
i bet i could have dozed off while typing if it werent for that cup of coffee
oh my god.
on friday i was dying.
and i stayed in school till 8pm ..
for the year 3 PTM helping weely with class 3K.
it was fun but tiring with so many parents crowding around and wanting to see the teachers.
and 3k has alot alot alot alot of appointments..
if the parents wait too long,they'll get pissed ..
but there are some very very nice parents too =D
haha.

hmm.. realised that SOME SC guys are damn nice people..
and our loveliest and dearest company mate chai wan eu.
lols.
maybe i hadnt know him well enuf.. o.O
but he dont dao people okay?
at least better than ........ @.@
and yeah,yeeyang is dao-ing me =.='''
sobs
cant i even say hi?
sighs... he wasnt am chio-ing anymore D;
aww..

on friday .. during recess time was .. pathetic..
lol,yeah,he was infront of me eating and i said nothing.
i was hopeless.
yeah
i am hopeless...
if there're communication problems,we shant carry on anymore
and actually,i shant carry on anymore.
last year was better than this.
idk what's happening.
i am stupid is all that you can say.
it wasnt the same anymore.
so what has changed?
i aint trying to say something cuz we drifted apart.
alot .. alot ..
as if we are just strangers..
dont tell me silence is louder than words or whatever.
keeping quiet and not saying anything is a stupid thing to do.
we dont have a common topic to talk about now.
so when was the last time we actually said something?
its definitely not in year 2009.
its going to be april.. and yet nothing has changed.
or is it that i am the one being indifferent?
am i the irritating one?
i am trying damn hard not to care so much
so is that what you want?
so am i the one keeping a distance from you?
am i the one who caused all these?
okay,its my fault.
frens - close frens - bgr
now,we're not even frens.
so shall i forget it?
so should i let go?
the thing about me liking you..
i am trying to make it history
trying damn hard but i cant bear to do it
i am not caring too much anymore.
i am not being irritating anymore.
isnt it nice to know that there's someone who likes you?
isnt it nice to know that there's someone who cares for you?
isnt it nic e to know that there's someone who thinks that you're the best?
loving someone is tough.
i dont wanna speak..
not even a hi.
not even a bye.
cuz i am scared of you.
i am scared that you'll be pissed.
i am scared that you will just ignore me for the whole of this year just cuz i said hi
i am just scared that you'll tell me you dont like me .. even a bit.. even as a fren.. for the third time
i am scared that i do things that you dont like..
i am scared that you will freak out and you are going to hurt me once more..
i know you dont like me.
but must you make me stop liking you?
must you do that?
i know you dont like me..
the first time wasnt that bad cuz you were straight forward enuf..
that day,ur fren said sth..
and i wasnt listening at all..
the one giving is always losing.
i lost to you.
its not worth it crying
yea,its relli not worth it...
maybe i should change things if you cant do it.
i will change to be more like a fren to you.
a classmate to you.
but can u stop being so indifferent?
can you.. please..
i will smile to you like what i did last year..
dont frens look at each other?
you dont even wanna care about it.
am i the only one who likes you?
i bet its a no..
should i try to seize every opportunity to talk to you,smile to you and whatever..?
the enthusiasm in me is gone..
cuz i am scared of being hurt.
i am scared.
of you.
so i've been backing out.
i am a coward.
maybe one day.. i would smile at you.. and i will see ..

just some stuff i feel like typing out..
why am i so pathetic?
yeah,i know everything changed.
maybe i should totally change how the way i behave.
i should change to say more things and not just shut up and say nothing.

every single day i feel like sleeping but i couldnt.
i feel like sleeping now but i just drank coffee milk tea with weely just now.
lol.
it was yr 2 PTM just now.
and i reached school at 745am
and we were supposed to meet at 730am
i was the usher at the foyer
and being the usher aint nice @.@
its a kinda boring job and wan eu came to see me at the beginning... then he zao.
lols,he damn funny :X
and yeah... after like around 8 plus plus... the guy named eugene tan rui lie came.
he was like umm.. loitering around the foyer .. and he was o.O
sitting there and looking around,lols,i dont know what he doing nia.
=.='''
he said he aint an usher.. and i dint care about him.. =.='''
lols,damn funny too.. hahhahahahhaa
and yeah,YIMING IS DAMN CUTE~
hahahhahaa,his whole family came lehh.. LOLS!!! in a taxi :D
i was like standing at the foyer then a taxi drove inside..
AND I SAW YIMING IN THE TAXI
he was like um-chio-ing..
and i was smiling damn BIG-LY to him =D
hahahhaa
damn cute :D
yeah,he was the first bravo guy i "received"
and i saw bryan too o.O with his dad..
and zhaoyuan too =D
yeah.. then umm some other peeps came and yeah..
lao ma came .. Lol.
damn funny :X
lols.
well well..
being an usher aint that bad .. when you get to see your frens with their family xD
but its damn boring after the parents all come to school liao..
then no more parents around.. so i went to look for the class ICs.
then was whole lot of blah blah blah ..
dont wanna elaborate.
hubert's mom is damn cute =D
hahaha.
she was speaking english+cantonese with hubert :D
COOL~~
the way hubert speaks cantonese is weird.. like his voice totally changed..~
woahhh.. xDD
cool~~ xDDDDDDDDDDDDD
yeah.. there was this time when i saw hubert's mom keep talking to him..
and hubert was like looking away ..
hahaha damn cute :X
omg... hubert and his mom sibei cute lorrrr :DDDD
and he was the only guy i saw with his parent.
yeahhh i saw jingfei's dad.
COOL~
HAHAHAHHAHA
tall people.. i remember jingfei telling me that his dad is damn tall.
and i saw jingfei's dad today and its true that he's tall..
and jingfei looks like his dad~~
AWWW MIENNN
damn cuteee lorr =D
others was normal normal..
and nicole's dad is damn strict.. o.O
haha.
that's all i can conclude..

my PTM is always lameeee shytzz
mr keith got nothing to say at all..
and he crapped about me being the cp..
AND MY DAD DONT KNOW I AM THE CP.. =.=''
god damn it.. wad the hell man... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..
i told my mom and my dad dont know i am a cp.. =.=
and he asked me what's a chairman..
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..
its like almost 2 whole months and he dont know anything about me =.=
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..
OKAY WHATEVER.
can see that my parents dont relli care about my school stuff yeah.. =.='''
they let me do whatever i want :P
and yeahhh ~~ =DD
let's continue..
mr keith said i should make full use of the diary.. and be more firm and not be influenced..
by peer pressure.. i should know what's right and what's wrong.
and i must do thing that benefits my frens for the long run..
i should not close two eyes and pretend i didnt see anything at all..
maybe i should try to relli do my job.
yes,you can hate me like what i did last year.. cuz i am damn n00b last year.. =.='''
i am damn sorry D; cuz i dint understand anything..
you can say that i am a backstabber,a n00b person who always report to teachers..
you can..
but i will know what's right...
3 times maximum that's what yang lao shi told us..
my dad was like asking mr keith damn loads of questions..
and mr keith kept saying no feedback =.=''
wadda?
and yeah,he said i should open up and make lots of frens..
yeah,i am trying to..
but some are just peeps who are totally.. DAO..
=.='''
yeah yeah.
i know i am some people who always keep to myself ..=.=
cuz i am born like that.
another thing about subject combi.
my dad is STRONGLY ENCOURAGING me to take triple science.
its like i am left with no choice,have to study physics.. okay shytzz =.='''
yang lao shi is STRONGLY ENCOURAGING ME to take bicultural studies.
and i have no interest .. in china studies and taking up 10 subjects ..
i am gonna DIE
and...
cuz my chinese is like totally shytzz when you compare with our dear china frens.
=.=''
but my dad says geog is a dead subject and it cant help in my future.
and he says that history is better than geog...
cuz its the way we look at things and the way we look at how people think =D
BUT
let's wait till the end of year exams.
if i get some shytzz grade..
then well done,wayne =D
i can live PEACEFULLY EVER AFTER.. and there'll definitely be less stress..
if u live fighting for the best for 2 whole years..
then.. i think i will die in the middle of the journey
there's a long way to go..
you never know ..
how i will do in the rest of the year.
maybe i just deprove and yeah..

maybe that's all for PTM..
and zhaoyuan... said "hi" to my mom =DD
OMG SO COOL LORRRR
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA =D=D
omg .. nice guys like him ~~ :D

bused to je INT with weely on bus 51..
and i slept for the whole journey..
damn damn tired like some shytzz..
lols,i was like saying "nonononononoo" to weely cuz she wanna take 51..
then weely is IRRESISTABLE.. so i went on 51 ...
went je drink bubble tea..
then zao home.

yeah and here i am blogging.
and i need do my homework.
SOBS
D;

and i needa do sth about it ..
cant continue like that.
i know i am stupid and lame.
and i know i am ignoring you or whatever.
D;
cuz i am scared of you already.
you're like a monster.. who will eat up my heart @.@
mien,if i dont have my heart i will die okay?
=.=''
smile~~
okay,i promise i will smile at you on monday =D
lols

now i shall do my homework cuz i got nth to chat with alvin..
=.=''
ps .. i am a boring person so idk what to talk about =.=

and yea..
i wont be blogging every single day ..
no time.
bai bai

6.51pm